table filled with miscellaneous pots, gourds
Two Poems
Scott Nichols-Collier


The patriot is wine.
False positives ring truer.
The negatives are always lost.
The door is always greener on the other yard.

The purist loses his holes in smut.
The Renaissance was built in a day, then a million a day.
Resistance is two-thirds of the law.
Romance is truer if it baits its breath.

Possibly a cat barks.
Possibly infinity.
My kingdom come for corpse.

Innocence prays on the wicked.
The blind bleed the lined.
A mind is a terrible thing.
Something else as well.

When in Rome, in Macedonia.
You turn your head and cough.
Masturbation in all of its arms.

Here we are and breathing something facts.
A number of Indians ate their hair.
So beautiful the face of them.

Fuck celebrities.
I'm so hungry I could eat a window.

a poem in three parts 

1."the oldest pub in mesopotamia" 

I found Jesus, 
sitting in the darkest 
corner of the pub, 
sipping on a drink. 
"I'll have what He's 
having," I said. 
The bartender 
passed me my drink 
and I sat down 
next to Jesus. 
"You're Jesus of Nazareth, 
aren't you?" I asked. 
"You mustn't tell 
anyone you saw me 
here. I'm in trouble 
with the Samaritans," 
He replied. "The Samaritans? 
What'd You do?" 
He sniffed. 
"I might have danced 
with some lepers." 
He brushed His Hair back 
wistfully. "I guess they just 
didn't want my help." 
I had to feel bad for Him, 
being the Messiah and all, 
but what could I say 
but "Shit, Jesus! 
This is a strange brew!" 

2. "the african-galilee hitchhiker" 

Jesus introduced me to 
Peter and We set out 
for Nazareth on a tiny 
donkey. Peter was Black 
and lived on Crenshaw, 
near 42nd, where he owned 
a liquor store. 
"You ever clip a donkey's 
toenails?" he asked me, 
after we had traipsed 
back to the pub to fetch 
Jesus' sunglasses. 
"Donkeys don't have 
toenails," I told him. 
He wore a stocking 
on his head to cover 
his bald spot. He 
wasn't such a bad guy 
or anything, but his 
questions were a pain 
in the Ass. 
"Shut up, man," 
Jesus said. 
"Everybody's a Jew 
in the Eye of the Lord." 

3. "reckoning in the holy city" 

We had just about 
given up the Ghost when 
a fabulous Jewish 
princess offered herself 
for two gold pieces. 
Jesus stepped back a bit, 
arms across His chest. 
"I've known many women like you." 
She spat on the ground 
and left Jesus smirking 
quietly before Us. 
After a time, He asked 
Us if We thought she was 
cute. Peter didn't think so, 
but I was horny as Hell. 
"Shit, Jesus, she's all right," 
I said. Jesus gave me a sly 
grin and said, 
"Quick! Who's got two gold pieces? 
We can still catch up with her!" 
Boy, was Peter pissed! 
He cursed Jesus several filthy 
times until Jesus finally rebuked 
him with a swift bolt of 
lightning to the crotch. 
Peter howled in pain and 
lit off on Our Ass. 
He must have been 
hurting something bad, 
so Jesus told him to turn 
the other cheek. 
He loved helping people, 
that was the truth.